The Secret and Subtle Art of Human Flight
by William Eglinton
with Nikola Tesla
Special thanks to Samuel without whom
The albeit limited publication of this book
would
not have been possible.
Man’s journeys into the skies have long been
recorded through myth and legend, religious lore, and more recently various
sciences. With the scientific breakthroughs of the brothers Wright, humanity
finds itself at a crossroads; it is possible that never again will man take to
the skies unaided by science and technology. The largely secret nature of human
transvection is still marred by the slanderous words of critics and cynics.
This treatise will cover the nature of flight
from human physical and mental ability alone.
Elliot lifts his head from the page and
glances around the room. Empty. He looks at the first and last page of the book
for a price. There isn’t one. He scans the room again, unsure of why such an
obviously rare and out of place book would be on the Russian Classics shelf. He
knows he won’t be able to pay for it if the shopkeep is made aware of it. He slides the book in his jacket. Bells crash.
He nearly screams in surprise. He looks around. It was only the door. He tries
to casually leaves the store. The door closes behind him. Bells crash and ring.
Adrenaline lifts his stomach.
The appropriate mental state is required for
the slightest levitation or the highest flight. One must be mentally in tune
with their vessel and the environment around them.
Marie-Claire. Yes, I have the name of a
women’s magazine about more than pretty faces. I guess you could say, I am
something like that as well. I am a spark, a flame, a conflagration.
Indeed.
In the pursuit of flight one must take great
care not to damage the fragile nature of the laws of the universe. When
attempting to fly, one follows laws, one does not break them, to break them
could cause a multitude of destructive problems.
Elliot is sitting with Jane on an ugly couch
in a coffee shop. The book is in her hands, she’s leafing through it. Elliot’s
thoughts are elsewhere.
“Her boyfriend died.”
“No,” Jane keeps her eyes and fingers in the
book.
“She told me he’s dead though.”
“Dead to her, I guess. She explained it to me
once and I actually agree.”
“What did she say?” Jane is distracted, maybe
on purpose. “Jane, what did she say?”
“Sorry…she said: It's worse than if someone dies, because you know they are
out there,
living an entire life,
separate from you, it's like they
chose to be dead to you, rather, chose for
you
to be dead
to them.”
“Yea,
I guess that does make sense.”
II
In
preparation for one’s first forays into flight, a physical and mental regimen
must be undertaken to prevent damage to oneself. Lunges and chin-ups, as well
as an hour of meditation daily are strongly recommended. Flexibility is key, as
well as two thirty-minute periods of inverse hanging per day.
Elliot
hangs suspended from a bar in his doorframe, he’s wearing red, chakra matching,
boxer-briefs. His phone rings from the floor below. He answers it.
-What
are you doing?
“I’m
hanging upside down.”
-Why
would anyone ever do that?
“I’m
trying to train for something.”
-And
hanging upside down is the training?
“It
is a part of it.”
-Hahaha.
I have to go, are you coming to this party tonight?
“I
imagine I’ll make an appearance.”
-Oh,
and what is this training for?
“Flight.”
-Hahaha,
that book is ridiculous. Bye.
He
sets down the phone and begins humming the Aum.
Push up from the balls of
the feet. Bend at the knees. Lean forward. Hold. Slowly stand. Repeat.
I’m going to some party and keeping all my valuables in this big
disgusting leather purse, some wrapped in plastic. I’ve got my gloves in my
pocket, they’re thin, but warm. I want to get drunk, but not too soon. I’ll
nick a bottle and save the empty for another day.
I’ll drink it dry after.
III
I am sitting at this table,
it’s kind of rickety and Elliot and Jane are talking about something, but I’m
not listening. My knees are rocking back and forth, towards and away from each other.
They are restless, anxious knees. I’ve
got two bottles in my purse. I have two dangerous and beautiful bottles in my
purse. One is full. The other is mostly full.
Everyone has cancer,
everyone is going to get cancer. I might have cancer now, in my uterus, or my
cervix or ovaries. My Baba died from cancer in there somewhere. Baba Yaga,
hahahaha. I’ve accidentally listened to their conversation, I know the tale. I
heard it from my dead Baba. I’m leaving.
“Ok, so you ever heard
about this guy,
Koschei the Deathless?”
“Hahaha, no. Why would
something like that ever have been put into my brain?”
“Ok, then, I’ll tell you.
It’s really badass.”
“Go for it.”
“So, Koschei is this guy,
who can’t die. He’s old and ugly and gross and a lecher and all this. He’s
tormenting young women and doing away with their boyfriends and husbands and
all that. He’s mean and nasty and cruel and has been alive for a really long
time. So he’s probably had sex with thousands if not tens of thousands of
women. Although probably none of them enjoyed it, well at least not most of
them.”
“Sounds disgusting.”
“He rides this great
reddish horse around naked and has a big sword, and he’ll just cut whoever up.
No big deal.”
“Yup, disgusting, is this
going somewhere?”
“Yes…Well, recently some
drunk pilot was flying over the Atlantic towards Russia . And everyone on the plane
died.”
“Jesus, does this go
somewhere good?”
“Yes, yes. They couldn’t
find the plane. They were getting a strong signal though, like the plane was
floating or near the surface, but they couldn’t see it, or any wreckage.”
“Weird.”
“Yea, I know right. So
anyway, they sent boats to look too. And one of the boats ran aground on
nothing, so they sent divers, and the divers fell onto ground. And after
walking a certain distance, an island appeared to the divers, and the divers
disappeared to the observers.”
“Hahaha, that’s a lie. That
didn’t happen.”
“It did. And it only gets
more intense. They found the plane, everyone disappeared, no trace of anyone.”
“No fucking way.”
“The plane had run aground
and split mostly to pieces. The nose had struck this huge oak tree and uprooted
it. Under the tree was a big iron chest.”
He paused.
“Well? What’s the
significance of that?”
“The soul
of Koschei The Deathless
resides
in a needle,
inside an egg,
inside a duck,
inside a hare,
inside an Iron chest
under a mighty Oak on a
disappearing island.”
“You’re sure about them
finding this chest, it’s not hearsay?”
“It’s all over the
internet, news, all that kind of shit.”
“Have they opened it?”
“They’re having a really
hard time.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
“I’m fucking with you.”
“You’re fucking with me?”
“No.”
Unfold upward until the
toes are all that remains on the ground. One must fully extend themself. One must
feel the lightness in their entire body, the airy new addition, the freedom.
This movement and thought must be repeated until even the toes have left the
ground. And then, flight can begin.
I am freezing my ass off. I
look good though. Almost like a disguise, a way to blend in by kind of standing
out. This skirt is really short. These heels are so fucking uncomfortable. I’m
looking for something expensive, something opulent. There it is…
The party is full but not
crowded; a familiar crowd, a neighborhood community. There is a guitar playing
on the porch. A pipe is being passed around. Elliot leans against the wooden
railing. Jane is standing in front of him looking up at him.
“Where did Marie-Claire
go?”
“I think she went home or
something,” Jane responds, “She mentioned something, I wasn’t really listening.
She’s been acting funny lately.” Elliot sighs and lights a cigarette, passing
it to Jane. Elliot lights one for himself.
“Fuck. Is she just being
ridiculous?”
“Meaning what?”
“This dead-alive-ex-boyfriend
thing.”
“I don’t know. Like we
talked about the other day, I understand it, to a point.”
“Still, he’s gone, what’s
the draw of obsessing still.”
“I guess when you’re that
connected, have spent that much time, sacrificed or given so much of yourself
to someone. It doesn’t fade easily.”
“When did he leave? Why did
he leave?”
“About a year ago. He
moved, I think he wanted to change his life, Peace Corps. or become a monk or
some shit.”
“I guess it’s hard to
follow someone like that. I don’t know, she’s clearly shown some interest it’s
just confusing me so much, so frustrating. She kisses me, she doesn’t answer my
calls, she comes over at night, she doesn’t let me come over. Feels like I’m
living that Offspring song, Self Esteem, you know? Haha.”
“She’s still fucking crazy,
I guess. Seems more stable than she used to be at least.”
“More stable now? Jesus
Christ. And wow, you said fucking. I’m impressed.”
One must move their center
of gravity up and forward starting with the head and chest. While floating or
even with toes on the ground one should attempt to put their torso horizontal
to the ground. Then work on bringing their legs horizontal to the ground as
well. Falling is a possibility, but one must be fearless. Whether inches or feet
from the ground, keep fear from the mind. One must not attempt to brace
themselves with their arms or hands. Float, and become comfortable in the
almost transcendent space that lies even centimeters from the soil.
It’s a shiny BMW coupe,
silver, brand new; they have a temporary license plate in the back windshield.
This is perfect.
I like to think about this
invention. The Finnish used it to disable Russian tanks in the Winter War. They
gave it its name because it was a drink to go with the Molotov Bread Baskets.
Molotov said Russia
was dropping food. Russia
was dropping cluster bombs. So they gave it that name…Molotov Cocktail.
I am nervous now though.
Nervous like those moments before the first time you have sex with someone.
IV
Jane is sitting on the
toilet, lid closed, dabbing tears from her eyes. She has her key in the little
ziplock of coke, waiting for her tears to slow so she can feel better.
Elliot is almost staring at
a girl who reminds him of Marie-Claire. She is very thin with long brown hair
that looks a little unhealthy, hair the opposite of Marie-Claire’s. She’s
wearing a long loose skirt, something Marie-Claire never wears. She is mostly “flat
chested”, not like Marie-Claire. Something about her, her attitude maybe, and
she is still very pretty in an almost mousey kind of way. Elliot doesn’t know
what it is, but decides to go talk to her. He grabs two beers from the cooler
near him and walks over.
Jane is dipping the key in
and pulling it out, over and over. She is chuckling. She is thinking of Fun
Dip. She is snorting, one nostril, then the other, over and over.
Her name is Candice. Elliot
has noticed her slowly moving closer and closer as he makes jokes about people
who walk four or five dogs at once. He doesn’t know how he even got onto this
topic, but it’s working, apparently. Elliot is indignant, fueled by a pretty
new girl…Fuck Marie-Claire if she wants to be all crazy.
Jane is laying in the
unfilled tub, masturbating with her clothes on. She just had the urge and
couldn’t stop. She’s never wanted to cum more in her life. Someone bangs on the
bathroom door.
“So are you going to kiss
me?” Candice asks. Elliot moves toward her and puts his arms around her hips,
leaning down and into her kissing her. She kisses well, and is very sexual,
pushing herself toward him, her hands on his neck and face, in his hair. They
are in the middle of the narrow street, in front of her house, or where she’s
staying, her sister’s apartment.
“You really have to go?”
“Yes, my sister will flip her
lid if I don’t get in soon, we are leaving in the morning.”
“Can I stay?”
“Hahaha, I don’t think
that’s a good idea.”
“Hmmm, alright, I won’t
press it.”
“Don’t think I don’t want
you to stay…it’s just…”
“What?”
“I’m 17.”
“Fucking shit.”
“Sorry for not telling you
earlier. But I turn 18 next month and am going to be in town and, well, I want
to fuck your brains out.”
“Hahahahaha, ok, you have
my number, call me whenever.”
“I will. Kiss me again.”
V
I set the bottle underneath
the car, casually, like I’ve dropped something. My heart is beating in my ears.
It always does at times like this. I stand up and light my cigarette. I smoke a
few drags and tear off the filter. I place the cigarette’s unlit end in the
rag, it needs to be at an angle where the ash will fall, and shielded from wind
or something, it needs to burn slowly and steadily. I stand up as a car drives
by and pretend I’m readjusting my skirt, pulling it up a little, then down. I
move the cigarette again. Perfect. I light another cigarette as I walk away.
Jane opens
the door. The party is dead. It’s late. Elliot is standing there, exasperated.
“What the
fuck?”
“What?” She
says innocently.
“Have you
been in here the whole time?”
“I wanted to
give you time with that girl.” There’s venom in her voice.
“What is that
supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“You’ve got
white shit on your nose.” Jane turns to the mirror and cleans her nose with a
finger, rubbing it on her gums. She snorts and looks in her nose.
“Jesus
Christ, can I come in?” She walks back from the door. Elliot enters and closes
it. He remains facing the door and puts his head against it.
“What do you
want?”
“Are you mad
at me?”
“I don’t
know.
“Can I have a
line?”
“Sure.”
Elliot sits on the toilet and pulls out his ID. Jane dumps some from the little
bag onto it and begins cutting it with her ID. She turns and digs in her purse
for a bill, rolling it up. She hands it to him.
“I’ve had a
fucked
up
night.”
Elliot is walking back to
the party. He’s unable to hide the stupid grin on his face. His phone vibrates
in his pocket.
“Hi there, 17.”
-I just wanted to call and
say goodnight, and I can’t wait until I see you again.
“Neither can I.”
-Goodnight.
“Night.”
There is a flash underneath
a car up the street. Then an explosion, a boom, fire shooting out from
underneath the car, climbing up the sides. The alarm sounds. He falls down onto
the balls of his feet. The fire is spreading over the car, the alarm blaring,
other car alarms joining it. He stays crouched. He can’t move his eyes. Half
the car is covered in flames, the sound of a window breaking. Smoke is pouring
into the sky. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there. He begins to stand, and
rises up on his toes. He feels light. He has never felt this way. He closes his
eyes. It’s euphoric.
VI
The first instance in which
one levitates often causes loss of consciousness. This euphoria will exist
every time one takes flight, but can be managed.
It started with a trash can
in 10th grade, in the girl’s bathroom. I don’t know why I did it. I
just did, and loved it. And got away with it. They cancelled classes. The
busses came early and picked us up. I just tossed in a match and walked out.
And all that, from such a little thing. Like birth almost. I am at home with
the bottle of vodka, drinking it from a rocks glass. Half the bottle is gone. I
don’t want to get up. I’m feeling the afterglow. I don’t want to do anything
but sit here. I just want to feel this forever. I finish what’s left and pour
another glass, spilling.
Elliot and Jane are sitting
on the bathroom floor, laughing, cutting up lines for each other. Elliot is
unspeakably glad that Jane has calmed down. There hasn’t been any sound from
outside for a long time. Jane’s probably just too high to care.
“So, do you really believe
this Koschei shit?”
“You said shit again, too
funny.”
“Shutup, do you?” She
breathes hard with one nostril closed. “I mean, do you really believe it?”
“I don’t know. I guess I
want to. I don’t know if I do.”
“Do you believe in that
book you found?” She hands him his ID with a line on it. He pauses and looks at
nothing.
“Do you?”
“Yes…”
“That’s cool, I like that.
I wonder what it’s like to fly.” He does the line and lays his hands down on
his lap.
“It’s like breathing.”
“Haha, you know? You’ve
flown?”
“I don’t know. A lot of
strange things happened tonight.”
Jane slides in close to
Elliot. Their faces are very close.
“There’s going to be more.”